One of the most challenging things about being a single mom in the dating world is how to integrate those two aspects of my life – my dating world and my daughter. Now don’t get me wrong, dating is an adult sport. Part of my job as a mother is to protect my daughter’s physical and emotional safety; however there is a way to do this as well as use my dating experience to teach her the skills of dating and how to search for a life partner. Here are some tips to help you integrate the two.
Shelter Your Kids from Your “First Dates”
The process of having your parent date is very unnerving for kids. Many of them feel they have no control over the situation. There are also fears of this new person “taking Mommy (or Daddy) away” or even trying to replace the other parent. With these fears being present, there is no need for them to join you on the roller coaster of the litany of first dates. This means don’t tell them about your e-mails, your evening plans or what you are going to wear on the date. Plan your first date when the kids are with their other parent or make arrangements for them to have a play date with a friend. Or even set up lunch dates and explore new people on your lunch hour.
Wait on Introductions for At Least 3 Months
It is uncanny how “magical” the three month mark can be in a relationship. In months 2 and 3 of a relationship is when people start to let down their mask and show their true self. It is at this point that you will start to see how this person reacts under stress, how they treat their friends and family and how they treat their work and work colleagues. It will also give you time to see consistent habits and behaviors emerge. There is no need to expose your children to any relationship until you have been with this person for at least 3 months.
Open Conversations With Your Kids About How to Read Someone’s Character Traits
it is important that the child initiate the conversation. If your child asks what happened to “Enter Mr. Not-So-Right’s Name Here”, use the situation to discuss character traits about that person, both good and bad, that impacted the relationship. For example, “I am no longer seeing Frank because I didn’t like that he didn’t call me back for several days at a time and didn’t make it to the event he told me he would attend with me. I want to feel cherished and loved in a relationship. His actions didn’t make me feel either cherished or loved. He was very nice to us and very funny – two characteristics that I really enjoyed. He isn’t a bad person, he just isn’t the right man for Mom.” Don’t resort to name calling or bad-mouthing these men, just share the lessons you learned with your kids.
Being a dating parent isn’t always easy, but if you play your cards right it can be a huge blessing for both you and your children. Make sure your children know that you will be there for them and their wellbeing is your top priority. Once those basic needs of your children are met then you can use your dating experiences to help them learn about people and relationships and more importantly how to navigate the dating world when it is their turn to begin searching for a life partner.







